At the Mechanic's....

I went to one of these Oil Change/Car service outfits today to get my car properly serviced for the next 3000 miles. The total package includes oil change, transmission flush, tire pressure checked, car floor mats vacuumed, windows hand-cleaned, coolant/anti-freeze topped off; power steering fluid topped off, Freon levels checked etc. Usually, I would pull in, jump out of the car, fill some paperwork and go make myself moderately comfortable in their make-shift guest reception rooms.

There wasn't a whole lot of physical comfort to be had in this guest reception room by any means. First, it was terribly hot and for some reason, their air conditioner seemed to be faulty. Secondly, the 15-inch TV set they mounted right at the ceiling could only manage to throw grainy pictures back at you. Thirdly, there happened to be a nursing mother who decided to bring her crying infant right to the reception room. You could practically hear your head breathing in that terrible hot and noisy room. Well, as I sat down, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, that another young man was already seated and looking somewhat too intently (I imagined) at me. When I turned to take a good look, sensing my discomfort, he quickly asked:

Stranger: Are you a Nigerian?

Me: Yes, why do you ask?

Stranger: Oh no, I am a Nigerian too. My name's Samson and they are working on my car over there.

Me: Cool..I am Obinna. So how naw? U dey come here from time to time? I asked changing to that Nigerian pidgin.

Samson: Yes oo. I no wan come hia again abeg. I no like de yamayama service. See as dis place hot like oven dem no even fit put common fan for here.

Me: E be like say dia A/C no dey work today. Anyway sha, how levels? You dey drive bimmer so Yankee dey treat you fine abi? I inquired with a smile.

Samson: For where? I just dey manage survive sha. Everyday na work work. If to say na Naija we dey now, e get as de day go be and I go just kuku relax for house.

Well, his answer wasn't exactly surprising to me. Nigerians almost never spontaneously reply "Awesome!" or "Simply Marvelous" when someone inquires about their well-being. It is almost as if some Nigerians consider it rude to be overly cheerful or exuberant when someone says "How are you doing?" Or maybe it was just the oppressive heat, I may never fully know. After exchanging a few more pleasantries, he immediately went straight to Nigerian political issues

Samson: Have you noticed that this Yaradua seems to be doing well contrary to popular opinion?

Me: How exactly do you mean? He has been in office for only two months. Isn't it too early to start calling results?

Samson: Well, I am not exactly calling results here. I just wanted to point out that he may prove to be dramatically different from Obasanjo. Do you remember how many people thought he was just going to be a stooge while Obasanjo called the shots from behind the scenes?

Me: I remember condemning the flawed 'elections' that threw him up. He was simply selected, and frankly, Nigerians deserve better. But at any rate, why would anyone think that as a president he may not implement some of his own personal wishes? I think the idea is that he would remain loyal to the singular personality Obasanjo, to wit, who made his emergence as the current president possible. They may not necessarily walk in lockstep on all issues but Obasanjo and his personal interests would be protected under his administration.

Samson: I disagree judging by what I have seen so far. I think the press may have misjudged the man. Obasanjo may have trampled on the constitution with reckless abandon, but I can't see anything to justify the insinuation that Yaradua would follow the same route. Have you not been following the recent events in the country? Can't you see how loudly his actions speak?

Me: You have to contextualize this. What really are you so enthralled about? Everyday I read up on things happening in Nigeria, I find that there are still way more depressing news events. Are journalists intentionally misrepresenting the picture? Yaradua may be a good soul, and may have many good intentions for Nigeria, but it remains to be seen. You do know that he will be in power for 8 years unless something drastic happens right?

Samson [laughs]: Well, he just retired some of the top military brass. Who knows whether he feared that a coup might happen?

Me: Hahaha, I suppose one can't be too careful these days oo.

Samson: But seriously, can you see how speedily the EFCC is arresting these greedy, opportunistic, thieving former governors?

Me: And these governors are being released just as quickly.

Samson: But check this out. Alamieyeseigha is being made to forfeit the millions he stole; Jolly Nyame was also made to pay $2.4 million and forfeit some of his illegal profits while he was governor of Taraba state; the other day Orji Uzor Kalu was arrested. I heard he would give over his passport so as not to leave the country. Besides he has to pay another astronomical sum for bail. This is beside the shutdown of some part of his business empire believed to have benefited from his illegal meddling with Abia state funds. The same thing happened to the past governor of Enugu state, Nnamani. As if this is not enough, the papers are reporting that a London court has frozen Ibori's assets. Ibori and Odili may soon find themselves in EFCC crosshairs. I imagine all the monies recovered from these past thieves would be returned to the state coffers. Isn't that a boon for the war on corruption? We have to start somewhere and if this keeps up, before long we may return sanity to the system.

Me: All I see are cosmetic measures designed at impressing Nigerians who were violently robbed at the polls. I am deadly serious here--I see nothing but a shallow attempt at mollifying Nigerians who were raped at the last polls. First of all, the war on corruption as waged by the EFCC is a complete farce. There is absolutely nothing credible about the EFCC's actions as presently constituted because they simply do the bidding of their masters. The EFCC is just a tool for harassing Obasanjo's political enemies---we may find out soon enough, that they may have already been co-opted to do Yaradua's biddings. The recent rash of arrests is just a smokescreen aimed at convincing gullible Nigerians that something is being done. If the EFCC were independent and powerful enough to prosecute anybody, their axe would have fallen on Obasanjo's neck first and that of his acolytes. Or should we start splitting hairs over whether Obasanjo deserved to be heavily probed? As a matter of fact, it is not unreasonable to say that the EFCC's axe would have started with the current vice-president, Jonathan Goodluck, a man of questionable credentials who enriched himself immediately he got into public service. Be that as it may, what real deterrents have we seen after these governors were arrested? Alamieyeseigha is a free man today despite being sentenced to only two (as if this doesn't cry injustice already) pathetic years for the millions of dollars he looted from the Bayelsa state coffers. Orji Uzor Kalu posted bail and his detention is over. He is now a free man. As a matter of fact, he even had an audience with the president after the so-called "ordeal" he was supposedly having at the hands of the EFCC. Why is that looter, as well as other looters, not languishing in jail? Could it conceivably be that the corruption-fighting body EFCC had no provable case against Orji Uzor Kalu or Nnamani? How much less other corrupt people who were loyal to Obasanjo! Where is the deterrent to crime? The present crop of politicians would simply internalize the lesson that they can steal, buddy up with the present administration and hope for a slap on the wrist (some pathetic bail or surety money) should their luck turn south and they get hauled before a judge at the end of their terms! So much for fighting endemic corruption!

 At this moment, a mechanic comes through the door to announce that Samson's car is done and good to go.

Samson: Wait a minute. These are indictments on the EFCC and not on Yaradua. Yaradua has shown himself to be exemplary when he declared his assets. He cannot be blamed for the ineffectiveness of the EFCC.....

Me: Yes, for declaring his assets, he certainly deserved commendation. I can't apportion blames this early in the game really. You see, I think he is just a man in custody of stolen goods, and his hands are by that virtue, tainted. If he wants a demonstrable difference in EFCC's strategic operations, he can effect the changes he wishes to see. But I can't start blaming him or anyone at this point, because like I said, it is too early to start doing a song and dance about him. We shall see how well he uses the EFCC to bring past looters, including his political godfather to account for their unconscionable self-enrichment while in office. Maybe if that kind of accountability begins to pervade the system, we may even trace our steps back to Naija again, abi that one no go sweet your belle?

Samson: I think this goes back to my initial point that Yaradua started off on a good foot. All he has to do is maintain steam, and before long there will be dramatic differences. Look at how he is expertly handling the Niger-Delta crisis. I see a man that may turn Nigeria around. Can you honestly say you were not elated when you read that Yaradua expedited the return of Peter Obi to power after it was snatched by that scoundrel Nnamdi Ubah?

Me[chuckles]: You are making it seem as if I think the man is some kind of ghastly evil. Of course, he deserves commendation for that. He has his merits. Even Obasanjo had a few things that earned him commendation. I am just worried about the tendency of many Nigerians to gloss over illegality; to tolerate mediocrity; or to rationalize our way out of glaring culpability. I think this is a national malaise. We are all too eager to turn the left cheek; all too willing to move on and forget how often we have been mishandled by rapacious political rogues. Why? Before we start making Yaradua some angel, I just want to have at least 18 months of his administration as a base upon which to start making certain statements. I wish him well nevertheless, but like I said, I am not in the "Yaradua is a Messiah" crew for now.

Samson: Ok now, we shall see how it all goes.

I couldn't help but notice the suppressed dissatisfaction or possibly disgust in his voice. To him, I may have come across as a bitterly cynical and perhaps pessimistic Nigerian who would jump at any opportunity to belittle Nigeria. Maybe if we had been discussing other things like Nigeria's last outing at the FIFA U-20 World Cup or sundry football related matters, he would have had cause to be earnest. At any rate, he rises up lethargically, as if he did not feel like going about the rest of his business for the day, salutes me and leaves.

Once more, I was left to the 'comfort' of that poorly ventilated, noisy guest reception room. Only this time, the nursing mother who had been listening rather attentively to our discussion, looked in my direction and smiled weakly.

"My husband is a Nigerian too" she volunteered.

"Oh good, where are you from then?" I asked noticing her distinctly Hispanic features.

"Guatemala" she blurted out enthusiastically.

Without another word, I rose up, excused myself and stepped out of the room. One of the mechanics had waved for me to come over.

"Oh Lawd, I hope nothing's wrong with this car" I muttered as I walked over to the greasy fellow....

tags: mechanic  oil change  yaraduas administration  alamieyeseigha  orji uzor kalu  jonathan goodluck  ibori  nnamani  odili  turaki  

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